This morning I lean over the sink, eyes half closed, dreams undissolved waiting for that familiar reflection-- behind me, the shampoo on the wall squints into recognition; together we greet the mirror half empty. I wonder how long I will have to lather, rinse repeat until I'm in a better condition to face myself today. A hopeless smile peeks over a corner of my raw lip, disturbed as a peppermint sting of froth flows down my throat. |
Author's Comments
Submitted to ~LaMonaca's workshop at
 I hope you all get a chance to submit your own entry, this is definitely one you don't want to miss if you're working on that writing (aren't we all).  My answers to Lamonaca's questions: 1. Do you usually punctuate your poetry? Why/why not? I have gone through non-punctuated attempts and "comma at the end of each line" phases, but I've recently been trying to create a balance between the two, using punctuation to "control" the reader's pace, and going without it for a more "floaty"/distant feeling. At least that's been the plan.  2. Are there lines in this poem where you were considering other punctuation (or no punctuation)? If so, what were you considering and why? This morning, I lean over the sink (was thinking of ending this with a comma, but was concerned the transition to the next line would feel too "heavy" so i've left it out.) --behind me, the shampoo on the wall squints into recognition-- (i want this part to feel like a branched thought of sorts, but in the previous version it wasn't feeling as "lightheaded" as i wanted for the purpose of this poem's theme mainly due to the semicolon in the previous line.) together we greet the mirror (to end with a comma or not to end--that is the question! hehe, i want the reader here to pause before linking to the next line, but not as much as a comma would suggest, so im thinking perhaps the enjambment does enough.) to lather rinse repeat (this is where i'm most iffy about my choice. i want a distant, almost abstract feeling to give this an absurd/illogical profoundness, i'm afraid commas, semicolons, or dashes would kill it.) 3. If this a new draft of an old poem, do you feel better about your choices this time, or do you feel as if you were forcing the punctuation use? I feel the balance and purpose of punctuation are doing a better job in this version. 4. Overall, what is the effect you would like this poem to have on the reader? In other words, what are you going for, here? I'm going for a drowsy mood, that slowly wakes up to personal thoughts and surrounding sensations. |
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Comments
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Brain tingles ftw
I really didn't need a sad poem right about now. >_>
That doesn't mean it's not good though. ^^
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How do you know if you exist?
thanks for your input!
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Brain tingles ftw
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"*DAMusicForum:We're arrogant because we care." - ~AxD
either it's the everyday action that becomes linked to a thought, or the thought that becomes linked to an everyday action...
either way, it's awesome
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Never let anyone bring you down. Never think your life's not worth it. Never turn to suicide. Never turn to depression. Never harm yourself in anyway. Never give in.
Keep standing, keep fighting the good fight no matter what.
Keep yourself alive
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